Gentle Christian Parenting - Gratitude
Building Character

How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude In Your Kids

Just about everyone prefers thankful and full of gratitude kids who appreciate everything done for them. But helping a child become this grateful is not easy. Gratitude doesn’t come naturally, it must be cultivated.

It requires more than just training a child to say “thank you.”

A child might say thank you all the time, but still have a bad attitude. What they really need is gratitude.

​Having gratitude means doing more than being thankful. It also means valuing the kindness of the giver.

For a child to have true gratitude, they must be able to see the difference between what’s owed, what’s earned, and what’s a gift. 

Gratitude is an attitude of the heart and a sign of good character. It is the cure for entitlement, needed for contentment, and leads to generosity. ​​

When a child doesn’t have gratitude, they can become very selfish. All their focus is on what they want. They forget the good gifts that they have. They start to believe that they should have everything they want without having to work for it. They complain and are angry and unhappy.  ​ ​Jesus who was very generous (2 Corinthians 8:9) and full of gratitude (John 11:41-42), shared this story.

There was a man who owned some land. One morning, the man went out very early to hire some people to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay the workers one silver coin for working that day. Then he sent them into the vineyard to work.

About nine o’clock the man went to the marketplace and saw some people standing around, doing nothing. So he said to them, ‘If you go and work in my field, I will pay you what your work is worth.’ So they went to work in the vineyard.

​At about twelve, three, and five o’clock he went and hired more people, who had no work, to work in his vineyard. He said he would pay them “whatever is right.”

At the end of the day, the owner of the field had all the workers paid starting with the ones who were hired last. Everyone got paid silver coin, so the workers who were hired first thought they would be paid more than the others. When they got their silver coin, they complained.

The owner said to one of them, “Friend, I am being fair with you. You agreed to work for one silver coin. So take your pay and go. If I want to give the man who was hired last the same pay I gave you. 

Why are you jealous because I am generous?”

Matthew 20:1-15
(ERV, with some edits for brevity)

gratitude kids

A child, like the worker in the story, needs to be taught an attitude of gratitude. Instilling gratitude starts with talking to kids about gratitude. This parable can teach us and our kids a lot about gratitude.

Here’s are some of the lessons from this parable parents can use to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in their children.

  • Set clear expectations. The owner told everyone that he would pay them one silver coin or “what is right.”  The workers did what was agreed upon and so did the owner.  The first workers hired did not do anything more than they agreed to, so they should not have expected more pay. 
  • Help children identify gifts and blessings and be thankful to the giver. Just to have work and a silver coin was a gift. Every one of the people who were hired that day started out no work and one less silver coin. Every one of them should have been grateful that the owner came along to hire and pay them.
  • Be a good example. Like the field owner, be generous. Be an example of a person with gratitude. Don’t complain or talk about all that you are owed. It is tempting to parent by complaint, saying things like, “How many times have I told you?..You drive me crazy…I’m sick and tired of…” But this does not correct, teach, or help a child learn how to do better. If you must complain, complain to someone who can help, not to your kids.
  • Help your children to see those in need without comparing. The people hired at the end of the day needed work and money. The workers who were hired first compared their work to the work of the people hired last. It only made them angry. Instead, they could have been happy for the people hired later to have found a job, like they had themselves. They could’ve focused on what a generous giver the landowner was.
  • Teach them that having things requires effort by having them earn and care for things given to them. No one got a silver coin for doing nothing. 
  • Remind them that their value is in who they are, not in their position or wealth. Everyone the owner came across was invited. No one was judged. Though they were different, even hired at different times and places, they were valued and paid equally.

​There are times when life will appear unfair. Perhaps, if you have two kids, one needs more attention, food, or clothes than the other. Or, one is better behaved and more helpful, and might feel entitled to extra rewards. Maybe they’re comparing themselves to a friend.

But God doesn’t give in to our comparisons or surrender to our sense of fairness, but because He is generous and knows what we need and when we need it.

God doesn't give under compulsion, but because He is generous. Click To Tweet

And so we should do the same with our children. Don’t worry about satisfying their sense of what’s fair, don’t even pretend to. It rewards complaint and entitlement.

Instead help your kids to see that you give willingly according to what each one needs and from a place of generosity.

– excerpts from, “Parenting in Christ: Lessons from the Parables”

Gratitude kids

How do you create an atmosphere of gratitude in your home?

Christina Dronen

Christian mom who practices gentle parenting. Author of the Parenting In Christ Bible study discussion guides.

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  1. Amber Lock says:

    Since reading this chapter in the book, we have been trying to find ways to intentionally teach the difference between what’s owed, what’s earned, and what’s a gift. It truly makes a difference in what they show, thankfulness or gratitude!

  2. AnnMarie says:

    I guess I never thought to stress valuing the kindness of the giver. Such a great part of the equation!

  3. Danielle James says:

    I like these lesson ideas on cultivating gratitude! We have our family values and different times in the year where we focus on thankfulness as a family but I think we try to incorporate this too

  4. Jessica Brodie says:

    I love this, Christina! And one of your items really hit home: “Help your children to see those in need without comparing.” The comparison game is such a downward spiral. I try just to focus on the HELP without any strings.

  5. Michelle Broussard says:

    Wonderful article. I love the idea of cultivating an attitude of gratitude in your home. Gratitude is the antidote for self-pity!

  6. Brittany says:

    Teaching my kids gratitude is so important. I never thought of it being an explicit lesson that I need to take time to really teach. I’m going to have to think if these things and be more proactive in my children feeling entitled. Thanks for this ❤️

  7. Shanique| Rock Solid Faith says:

    I love these ideas on cultivating gratitude. I am not a parent, but its definitely something to think about once I do reach that stage in my life.

  8. This is something that we’ve really struggled with in our family, and I love the tips you’ve provided. I think it’s especially important to set clear guidelines and have the kids understand that having things doesn’t come easy! Thank you!

  9. Emily | Be Strong and Fearless says:

    What an interesting read! I love that parable, but I’d never made the connections explained here. My children are usually pretty good about being grateful, but they are bad about comparing themselves to one another.
    Thank you for sharing! 🖤

  10. Elizabeth says:

    Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is something I really try to do in my family. These are great ideas and I loved this post!

  11. Rosevine Cottage Girls says:

    Love this! Cultivating an attitude of gratitude in our kids is so important!

  12. Patsy Burnette says:

    We live in such an ungrateful society, and so easy to slip into that mentality, without even noticing it. Thanks for this great post! Scheduled on Tailwind. Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

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